Written by rewinn
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Tuesday, 19 January 2010

image for Blogger Disproves Global Warming; Scientists Stunned!
No longer in danger: Blog Scientist's snow woman sculpture demonstrates his multifacted talents and interests

A blogger who struggled through high-school math has completely debunked the theory of Catastrophic Anthropogenic Climate Change, otherwise known as "Global Warming".

"It was easy, really," said Barney Schtupnagel, "I knew it was a lot of hooey because, you know, how could people change the climate? It just didn't make sense. But I needed proof."

And proof Schtupnagel found, by cruising internet forums and thinking about the evidence in new ways.

"I found three ways in which scientists had accidentally increased reported temperatures," Barney posted on his Blog. "First, and of most importance, as scientists start using more computerized temperature measuring gadgets, they started recording more digits of temperature. What had been 58 degrees on a mercury thermometer would become 58.4 degrees on a digitial thermometer and then 58.4569392 degrees on a high-precision CCD device. The inevitable result is a reported increase in temperatures, when there's really been no change at all."

"A secondary issue is the increased use of Centigrade instead of Fahrenheit. As Mrs. Tofula explained to our class last year, Centigrade degrees are bigger, so of course the temperature is going to be reported as bigger. The third and final piece of the puzzle fell into place when I read that scientists were deploying more temperature gauges than ever, all over the world. It's like when you use a metal detector to look for pennies in the park; the more instruments you use, the more stuff you find. Now that there is more temperature being measured, you're going to find more temperature!"

Scientists were astounded, yet full of praise for this discovery. "My goodness! We certainly never thought of this! One insight of this magnitude is customarily rewarded with a Nobel Prize," said Nobel Prize winning physicist Richard Linden. " But young Schtupnagel scored a trifecta! He is definitely in the running for next year's prize in Physics."

A few scientists were not so sure. "An announcement of this sort should not lead to a Nobel Prize in Physics," demurred Christopher Walter Monckton, 3rd Viscount Monckton of Brenchley. "I think it would be more appropriate to award an entirely new Nobel Prize in Global Warming Denial."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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