Addis Ababa, ETHIOPIA - Scientists working in this impoverished African nation claim to have discovered the secret to long-term sustained weight loss, summarized by researcher Pete Morgan as follows:
"QUIT EATING SO DAMN MUCH!"
Morgan went on to say, "Seriously, you Americans, you eat pounds and pounds of junk every damn day and wonder why your asses get so fat. It boggles the mind that you can't see the correlation between the crap you shove in your faces and the fat enveloping your fat fat bodies."
The results of the study are due to be published next week in the New England Journal of Real Medicine.