A scientist with a prominent speech impediment has refused to use his robot for fear that he will be teased.
Professor Robert Robson-Ross has a lisp which has afflicted him since childhood. He cursed his parents for naming him Robert and for having surnames that had 'R' letters in them. Of course when he cursed them he cursed them with a very obvious lisp that further made him angrier.
In fact the other children thought it hilarious to hear him calling his father and mother "Rankers"
Like all angry young boys with lisps, Robert was left with few choices in life: either become a TV presenter or a scientist.
He chose the lesser of two evils.
He passed his scientist exams 50 years ago and then was given a room, reading material, rubber band and a Robot to do 'stuff' with, named - conveniently - 'Robby'.
Robert complained about being given so many things beginning with the letter 'R'. Especially the Robot called Robby.
He also refused to call his robot a robot. He calls it a 'Thing' instead.
The robot is very sad about this: even robots have feelings - especially now that those Japanese scientists have given it a heart and tear ducts with which to cry itself to sleep at night.
The only way Robert can actually speak properly is when singing. He has a beautiful soprano voice - mostly due to having had his nuts removed in a bizarre organ grinder accident in his youth.
But Robert is unable to sing in the laboratory because it is forbidden under Scientific Law.
Robert's only friend - curmudgeonly scientist Sir. Patrick Moore - has started a fund to collect money for an electronic voice machine similar to that used by Prof. Steven Hawking's to communicate through.
So far he has collected the grand total of 74p and a piece of bum fluff.
Donations can be made to the Wobert's Wobot Fund at www.WescueWobertsWobot.not