Written by cerealbiatch
Print this

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

image for Leading Scientist - "Water causes cancer"

Today scientists have announced that they have discovered a major breakthrough in Cancer research.

For years cancer researchers worldwide have strained their minds looking for a common denominator to link all forms of cancer.

Today leading oncologist A.T Ryan, founder of The World Cancer Research Trust announced to a room of fellow oncologists, scientists and researchers that at last a common denominator had been uncovered.

"I take great pleasure in announcing the ground breaking results which we have uncovered. Since the founding of The World Cancer Research Trust our highly skilled team have worked tirelessly in the hope of uncovering some of the many secrets that surround cancer. I take great pleasure in having invited you here today to share our results with you all. After much research, trials and tribulations we can confidently tell you that we have indeed found the cause for all forms of cancer. A simple chemical, that we all come into contact and consume daily, H2O."

Dr. Ryan a graduate of Limnuick University using data collected for the past 10 years showed his colleagues how every cancer patient has one thing in common. They consume water on a daily basis.

"Every cancer patient I have ever treated has consumed water. They are from different parts of the world, different races and different economic backgrounds. It is the only thing that they have in common; therefore it is the only possible explanation. Water is the leading cause of cancer."

Dr. David J. Russell also a graduate of Limnuick University also released the results of his research today. His work, which was carried out separately to Dr. Ryan's agrees wholly with the theory that water causes cancer. Dr. Russell's research which was aimed at finding a reason for why cancer is 97% more common in developed countries than in undeveloped countries also lead to some startling results."

Dr. Russell explains - "I have found that in undeveloped countries such as Ethiopia in Africa where the majority of my research was carried out, water is much less readily available. Thousands of Ethiopians die daily of dehydration. They do not consume water and they do not die of cancer. The results speak for themselves".

Make cerealbiatch's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 1?

7 11 3 17
51 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more