The same scientist who came up with the remarkable observation that bees cannot fly because they are aerodynamically unstable, despite all evidence to the contrary, has now declared that planes too cannot fly.
"It's perfectly simple," said Valdimar Procrastinov. "Birds fly by flapping, which pushes air down, all the nonsense about lift is, well, nonsense, otherwise when a stunt plane flew upside down, it would fall from the sky and it doesn't so, QED."
Before planes started falling from the sky in sudden realisation, Hernst Boernig came out in defence of the plane.
"Well, it is quite apparent that Procastinov is an arse," said the German physicist and Nobel Physicist. "I came here today on a plane, and it didn't walk, did it?"
When asked about the stunt plane problem, Boernig had an instant reply: "Planes are like thrown rocks. When you throw a rock, it flies for a bit, and then lands. All we are doing is putting the thrower on the plane and calling it an engine. So simple, even eighteenth century bicycle making brothers could understand it!"
Procastinov was unavailable for comment over the latest developments of his theory, as he was busy proving paper darts, ducks and butterflies also cannot fly.