Written by Helen Tarnation
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Wednesday, 16 December 2009

image for Mobile phones prevent brain cancer
This device could save your brain - and maybe your gonads

Concerns about whether mobile phones cause brain cancer have resulted in an unexpected boon for mobile phone companies. Intense interest by researchers in proving a link between the phones and brain lesions have, indeed found such a link -- the phones actually prevent cancer.

'This is tremendous news', said Nathan Prosper, vice president of marketing for Cellarolamobile, a major mobile phone manufacturer. 'Our sales have doubled overnight.'

The scientists suspect that the weak, but measurable, magnetic fields generated by mobile phones interact with the iron in hemoglobin, the oxygen-bearing element in human blood.

'We suspect that the magnetic field orients the iron in hemoglobin in such a way that it interferes with the formation of Tumor Necrosis Factor (TNF)', said William Wigger, a member of the research team that made the finding.

There are reports that some men, mostly of retirement age, are putting cell phones in their underwear, to prevent prostate cancer.

'It is unknown whether the cell-phone-in-the-underpants trick will work', said Wigger. 'We only looked for a link to brain cancer'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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