Written by P.M. Wortham
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Topics: stress, ama

Friday, 4 December 2009

image for Stress Balls Found to Cause Carpel Tunnel Syndrome
Find other ways to relax that wrist.

Following a national increase in reported cases of carpel tunnel syndrome, the American Medical Association has released a report targeting stress balls as the root cause.

Researched by Dr. Hayman Getoff-Maiklowd, recently reported CPS cases seemed to be tied news articles written by a noted Psychologist Hyrum Yinspytov. Yinspytov has claimed that the best way to deal with the current stresses of the day, including pay cuts, layoffs, gas and utility prices, medical bills, cheating spouses, unruly kids, and the cost of food, is to squeeze the life out of a little spongy ball.

"The effects of this economy do tend to sound like a bad country/western song, but aside from heavy drug therapy, the stress ball is the next best thing", says Yinspytov. In fact he has been advertising his own line of fabric covered stress relievers in medical magazines with the slogan, "Stressed? Squeeze My Balls and Feel Better".

Dr. Getoff-Maiklowd disagrees with this general approach to mental wellness. "Not every problem can be cured with stress management. I'm not sure I'd give a bi-polar road-rage candidate a stress ball and then send him on his merry way."

The AMA's research shows that Carpel Tunnel diagnosis is on the rise to an alarming degree. "Between heavy right-handed self gratification and the introduction of constant stress ball squeezing, I would be surprised to find an adult male or female without a sore wrist these days", says Getoff-Maiklowd. "Responsible adults should follow two simple rules with regard to stress balls. Squeeze them gently and infrequently. Too hard and too often will make you go limp. The wrist I mean, of course."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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