Written by P Turton
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Monday, 2 June 2003

Health ministers today declared that in future all women would come with a warning.

The announcement comes after lengthy and expensive research revealed the shocking effects of women upon the mental health of men.

Research proved that after spending any substantial length of time with the female of the species most men are barely capable of rational thought.

Scientists blame the crazy chemicals, or 'hormones' that course through a womans veins in place of blood. These hormones react with men to produce moods.

Moods impair the higher reasoning of men, forcing them to find solace in groups of other men, strong beer, pornography and fast cars.

Unfortunately the research shows that these additional factors react further with the woman's hormones to create an even stronger condition, known as 'Radge.'

It is believed that long term exposure to 'Radge' is responsible for the high incidence in male alcoholism, infidelity and elderly dementia.

The new warning would take a similar form to those found on cigarettes and indelibly marked across a woman's cleavage.

Until the warnings are in place, however, experts advise that men avoid visiting garden centres, shopping malls and supermarkets with women.

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