Sofia - (X-Files): The sheathing of priests' gonads blocks telepathetic (sic) flow according to Space Research Institute of the Bulgarian Academy of Sciences deputy CEO Lachezar Filipov.
Addressing a Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) conference this week Filipov delivered a knockout blowjob to mainstream theological dogma.
"Aliens are critical of human interference in natural processes," Filipov declared, "such as papal infallibility in sex crime cover-ups."
And ET thought police may have been behind the 1978 ricin poison umbrella stab death in London of Bulgarian dissident writer Georgi Markov.
The writer had been highly critical of Cardinal Ratzinger's fecund marriage to UK puppet monarch Elizabeth Windsor, whose rubber allergy behind - er... was behind! the condom ban.
Vladimir Putin has an ET hotline to the Crabs Nebula.