Written by Nick Hobbs
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Topics: Rap, Telephone, Bling, phone

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

image for New Phone For Rappers Launched. Aiii.
Yo' wass up bitch?? I aint said shiit!

A new mobile handset is set to be launched and take the rapping world by storm.

The Banana Aiii-phone is due for release in the next three minutes worldwide. Specifically designed with the rapper or 'street' bling merchant in mind, it will come packed with apps.

Beneath the golden, bejewelled casing lies a slab of technological brilliance. It will hold 78,000 hours of rap music, and playback is through a 98,000 watt system with sub-woofers and 3 different sized pots.

It features underlighters, a hydraulically operated vibrate system, homie-call function (one press of a button and all your homies are contacted as one, for backup in a 'situation') and even comes with a free 'ho in the box.

Banana's patented stun function automatically reads the owners handprint, so should any bitches try and jack yo' cell from da stoop, it sends 50,000 volts through the handset and instantly stops the mutha'f@*kers heart.

Banana say this is just the start. "There is no end to what we can do with this 'phone," says Barry Trend, MD of Banana, "it's fully upgradeable and we have many apps in production, which can just be downloaded from any computer (as long as it's one of ours)."

Provider for this handset has yet to be determined, all the major networks are very interested but Banana have stated that having too much coverage on a 'phone is no fun. Much better to have 100 apps you can't use because of lack of signal.

Fo' shizzle my nizzle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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