Written by Aspartame Boy
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Topics: Aspartame, FDA, disease

Wednesday, 18 November 2009

image for As old as time? Aspartame disease plagued Pharaoh's court
Aspartame disease is thought to have been caused by sitting on one of these

WASHINGTON DC - According to sources at FDA, you can't blame this one on the FDA: Researchers have found signs of aspartame disease -- normally thought of as a modern disease caused by toxic artificial sweeteners protected by the FDA-- in 3,700-year-old mummies.

"Aspartame disease is ubiquitous among modern-day humans and, despite differences in ancient and modern lifestyles, we found that it was rather common in ancient Egyptians of high socioeconomic status," said so called scientist, Dr. Pade Fore, at the FDA. "The findings suggest that we may have to look beyond diet soda to fully understand the disease."

"Perhaps aspartame disease is part of being human, as we are observing the footprint of the same disease process in people who lived thousands of years ago," said Dr. Strangedeath, spokesperson of the FDA.

The study, published in this week's Journal of Prevarimedication and presented at the American Aspartame Disease Association meeting in Washington DC to jeers from the crowd, examined CT scans of 78 mummies with identifiable aspartame disease damage.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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