NASA HQ, Roswell - (Dark Side of the Moonies): Sky News cosmology pundit Nasser Hussain has said that September's LCROSS lunar scramjet smash has yielded massses of diamonds, precious metals and LNG deposits.
The former Essex and England cricket captain reckons it's about time the planet was harvested ahead of a potential hostile landgrab by UFO mercenaries.
The LCROSS impact plume has revealed billions of tonnes of precious resources lying ready for the plucking ahead of pesky alien claims.
Hussain, 69, estimates that the entire global debt could be wiped out overnight in just one shuttle mission ti the Sea of Tranquility where diamond, sapphire and emerald outcrops strafe the bleak lunar landscape.
And the prospect of pumping our more oil and liquid natural gas than all of OPEC's known reserves is equally alluring.
A spokesman for Midget Oil wannabes Zion Oil said today that the Israelites had first refusal on all crude deposits because it is written in the stars and somewhere on their Mound of Olives.
Chevron Corp says they're all nutters.