Written by Andy Ampersand
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Friday, 5 April 2002

Today, scientists at a top dictionary school proved using maths and stuff that "and" is officially the best word in the world. Nobody is happier than yours truly, Andy Ampersand.

This fact goes some way to resolving the mental problems I have, which were caused by school bullying as a child. Just because I was born as an odd looking symbol for "and", and had a name that had an assonance worthy of mockery, the other kids would beat me up. Upsetting days, I'm sure you can imagine.

Anyhoo, back to the story. Scientists used a technique known as "Mallet's Mallet" to find out what word was the best. "And" won, but critics say that this was only because the participants were simpletons and village idiots who were deliberately hired by pro-And lobbyists because of their puny vocabularies.

Such critics obviously don't appreciate what this means to me. The kids used to cry, "Andy, you're stupid & is rubbish, and everything your & represents is smelly!" Now who's rubbish and smelly? Not me, because I am blessed to look like &!

I'm the greatest symbol used for the greatest word in the world! I'm the secret to the success of Marks & Spencer! I was the silent third comic genius in Morcambe & Wise! And?and?.I was the symbol carrying the swag for Bonnie & Clyde!

So, now remember! You would be utterly wrong to disparage an ampersand! & is greater than you think!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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