Written by Morgan Truce
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Topics: Internet, Babies

Tuesday, 17 August 2004

image for Internet Craze Now Bigger than CB Radio, Beanie Babies, Slinky, and The Twist!
Cousin Dexter

CYBERSPACE (AP) Getting "on the Internet" is getting bigger than "big hair" used to be! Years ago people filled their spare moments collecting stamps, playing Monopoly, and dancing the Macarena. Now they can't wait to get their own personal size computer and "get connected" to the Internet!

Joe Bob Hayhurst of Massilon, Ohio just spent $814.26 on an odd collection of electronic gadgetry, and before the afternoon was over, he had signed up for life with AOL and was officially "on the Internet" --- and connected to millions of other witless individuals who don't have a clue where to surf. By the end of the first evening, 947 spammers knew Joe Bob's email address, and three viruses were eating his hard drive. Joe Bob's wife, Lula hadn't yet noticed her husband's growing collection of email from online hotties and dating services, but she thought it odd that he seemed more interested in his new "machine" than her own (considerable) charms. "Joe Bob, you gonna' turn that thing off and come to Lula any time soon?"

Joe Bob was not about to end his chat with 19 year old "SweetNikki" from Seattle --- who (unknown to Joe Bob) was in fact his overweight cousin Dexter from Memphis. A few hours past midnight, Joe Bob was trying to figure how he could get a divorce and buy a Greyhound bus ticket to Seattle. But first he had to get a digital camera, a scanner and a few other small items to round out his Internet experience. Joe Bob was no stranger to "accessory fever". Back in his CB Radio days, he took out a 2nd mortgage on his double-wide home so he could get an illegal amplifier and big beam antenna. He soon got tired of talking to truck drivers and men pretending to be truck drivers. By the time the FCC caught up with Joe Bob, he had collected $11,638 worth of CB accessories. After paying the $3,000 fine to the FCC, and having all his CB radio gear confiscated by Federal Marshals, Joe Bob had soured on the CB radio craze. Ah! SweetNikki and the Internet sure were better than all of that!


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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