Written by nigmuncher
Print this
Topics: Sex, Pies

Saturday, 7 November 2009

image for European scientists prove that eating pies is good for your sex life
a pasty a day can keep impotence at bay

Scientists in Utrecht in The Netherlands have discovered that eating pastry products can greatly increase virility, decrease the chances of heart disease and give a feeling of general well-being.

Dr Strabismus, whom God preserve of Utrecht, told the world's press. "Pies, it's all down to pies: pork pies, potato pies, meat, apple. It doesn't matter what it is, just get it down yer f*****g necks as fast as you can. The more the better, as far as my colleagues and I are concerned. Forget all that bollocks about eating all that healthy stuff. It's all shit, I tell you, shit. Stuff yourself full of pastry products and you will live until you are a hundred, and be shagging yourself silly into the bargain."

Dr Stabismus, at twenty five stones is a living indictment of his advice. During the five minute interview he ate four steak pies, an apple turnover and a mars bar en cruet. Not only that, but he performed full sex twice, oral sex once and even had time for a quick w**k.

This reporter for one was highly impressed, and is off to get himself a couple Greggs Pasties.

Make nigmuncher's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 5?

4 20 18 21
40 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more