Written by Peter Wortham
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Topics: New York, Conference

Thursday, 12 August 2004

Oracle CEO Larry Ellison outlined his plans for domination of the sun at a recent executive conference in New York, while looking for investors to back the lofty initiative. Ellison described the move as "unprecedented and visionary", where Oracle would ultimately charge a "nominal fee" for use or the sun's light or heat by every consumer or business on the face of the earth. He closed his opening remarks at the conference by branding the new product offering "OraLight", claiming that it is "the light of the future".

Oracle Investors were asked to help fund the production and installation of photoelectric meters on every building in the world, in exchange for a piece of the monthly sun utility revenue.

Sharp criticism was thrown at Mr. Ellison following the conference where crowds had gathered to voice their opposition to the announcement. Ellison was met with antagonistic shouts, threats and ultimately rotten fruit as he tried to make his way to his white stretch Hummer limousine.

The Department of Justice reported that they will seek an injunction over Oracle's current plans, but only after completing their anti-trust lawsuit against Oracle in the hostile takeover attempt of PeopleSoft. Haywood Jablome, a lawyer representing the DOJ, was not surprised by the Ellison tactic of global now turned galactic domination.

"He must realize he can't actually own the sun….. right?" PeopleSoft CEO Craig Conway had replied in an interview later that day. Ellison's lawyers followed quickly claiming that Oracle had been in negotiations with the current owners of the sun for quite some time over full rights to the resource. "The Council of the Milky Way is looking to dump some real estate cheap, and our offer is fair", the lawyers added.

President George Bush is scheduled for a press conference this afternoon and is expected to underwrite Oracle's efforts. Bush commented earlier, "Sounds like a good idea". Presidential hopeful John Kerry couldn't be reached for comment but was heard belly-laughing in his hotel room when informed of the news.

Ellison closed the day with a final comment. "What's wrong with owning the sun?" "Gates already owns the planet… why can't I think bigger".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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