Written by nigmuncher
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Tuesday, 27 October 2009

image for Personally I think it's great, but then again, I'm completely made of wood.
photosynthesisers at work

"Personally I think it's great, but then again, I'm completely made of wood." - This was the typical response that climate change experts experienced when lobbying a random cross-section of trees during last months investigation into the possibilities of increasing the carbon dioxide/oxygen photosynthesis process in inner city Britain.

Trees remove carbon dioxide (CO2) from the atmosphere during photosynthesis to form carbohydrates that are used in plant structure and return oxygen back to the atmosphere as a by-product.

Scientists at the Salford Institute of 'Do It' and 'Sorted' are keen to win public backing and government funding for the new city centre initiative.

Noel Gallagher of S.I.D.I.S. told TheSpoof.com yesterday. "It's cool man, sorted. Wot we want, like, is to plant like billions of trees all over the biggest cities in the country. You know what I mean, like. Then all these big f**k off trees will suck all that carbon dioxy stuff in like a big f****n splif, an blow it out as oxygen for us all to breathe. Is that psychedelic or f****n what? I'm blown away, me, an so is our Liam. He finks it's so cool he went straight out and tw****d a photographer. It was cool man, sorted. Know what I mean?"

Frank Treebeard, spokesman for the British Association for Residential Cultivation, or BARC, told us.

"This guys a f*****g nutter. If he thinks my members are going to allow themselves to be crammed onto central reservations and mini roundabouts like so many sardines, he is completely off his f*****g gourd.

Others amongst the root and branch community seemed a little more amenable to the idea.
One Silver Birch told us, as he browsed in Manchester's Trafford Centre.

"Personally I think it's great, but then again, I'm completely made of wood."


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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