Written by Thermophyle
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Health, Liberalism

Wednesday, 21 October 2009

image for American Medical Association Defines Liberalism as a Disease
The Sickest Man In the World

Doctors working at the Univ. of TX., in Austin have petitioned the American Medical Association to define and treat Liberalism as a disease, not unlike Alcoholism. After evaluating the study the AMA has agreed. Liberal behavior, they define as mixture of dependence or codependence coupled with selfishness. They went on to subdivide Liberalism into two categories, Primary and Secondary Liberalism. Research has shown that Liberalism is a heinous and unfortunately common psychological disorder.

Patients suffering from Primary Liberalism have a deep unhealthy low self esteem. They go through life feeling unable to make it on their own. They seek out people, institutions, organizations, and anything that will satisfy their insecurity. They want, need, and desire to be taken care of by somebody or anything. This leads to submissive and clinging behaviors on their part. As you might expect these patients end up screwing up their lives and the lives of the others they touch. They are willing to give up their money, liberties and time just to satisfy their unhappy lives. They exist like a wounded mouse quivering in the corner thinking the world is a room full of cats ready to devour them at any time. Liberals become fixated in the emotional part of their brain where they are unable to see opportunity, take risk, or achieve any degree of happiness unless they know they have someone there to catch them if they fall; they are paranoid they will fall.

Doctors say seeking security in ones life is a normal healthy human desire. It is as normal as the desire for food or sex. The problem with Liberals is they are so twisted and passionate about their inability to achieve, to secede, to provide their own food, clothing or shelter that they are willing to create any system around them that will obligate others to the same shackles they willing apply to themselves. In their crazed, deranged way of thinking they justify taking from others, money, freedom and liberties just to satisfy their dependence and selfish desires.

Selfishness is the key to their emotional problem as they inherently want, need, and desire, others peoples money, success, and security. They have been known to do anything or say anything to have their dependence satisfied. When normal people confront and object to Liberals they lashes out. They cry out with outrage and righteous indignation calling the normal individual selfish. Logic though teaches us it is the Liberal who is selfish. He desires that which is not his, that which he did not work for, and that which is not his own, ergo the very definition of selfishness.

Doctors in their research also have defined a diagnosis of Secondary Liberalism. This is a condition in which through extreme talent the Liberal has achieved financial success and security. The problem here is they continue to have selfishness, but their dependence turns outward into codependence. They likewise spend their days unhappy riddled with guilt because of their success and worry for the security of others. They are inherently generous and appear well adjusted. They give time, money and self to help others. But no matter how much they do, they still feel unsatisfied. Like the Primary Liberal their guilt and selfishness get in the way of logical thinking. They go on the same misguided rampage as the Primary Liberal conscripting the time, money, freedoms and liberties of others to satisfy their own insecurities.

Doctors believe this illness can be cured through long term in depth psychological therapy. Families need to love these sick individuals. They should be treated as normal as possible. America needs to realize this disease affects not only the patient but the family and society as well. These people need our help and understanding to mainstream them into a well balanced society where dependence, codependence, and selfishness are not the norm.

Make Thermophyle's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 3?

4 19 20 7

Go to top