Washington - (Dark Side of the Moonies): Latest FBI espionage scalp Stewart David Nozette is to enter a plea bargain naming fellow conspirator Gary McKinnon as Stephen Hawking's firstborn bastard son.
The Pentagon hacker's DNA was discovered on an encrypted NASA computer thumb drive detailing Hawking's child support payments to birth mother Cherry Bush QC.
A sophisticated Sat-Nav tracking device then found Nozette passing the compiuter device to his Mossad handler.
This turned out to be Hadron Collider terrist Adlene Hicheur.
Hawking, Nozette and Hicheur had all been under surveillance after being paid $$$s by Zion Oil for the coordinates of a vast subterranean crude lake on the Moon.
A spokesperson for troubled oil trader Trafigura said today: "WFT??"