HootinHoller TN - The National Society of Hillbilly Astronomers met this week and decided to rename Uranus, the seventh planet from the sun, Urbigfatass.
The announcement was made by this year's president Big Emma Hickey who has no formal training and calls herself an "occasional astronomer." Emma says the last time she saw stars was when she walked into an apple tree last summer and before that when she was a teenager and her daddy Roy gave her a smack for running outta gas on the way back home from Humphreyville.
Hickey says "The universe is expanding faster than expected and has now reached Uranus."
"Astronomers up at the observatory down Milner Ridge have determined that Uranus is much bigger than imagined for some time now and figures it may be due to "personal misuse of the giant telescope in a way that is probably best left unsaid."
According to Hickey "The universe is kinda like a pair of pants with a stretchy waistband that can get bigger'n'bigger an you don't even know it."
"We bin meaning to get around to renaming Uranus for some time now due to its increased size and all and this was as good as time as any."
"We woulda got around to it sooner but we had a hard time of it at first seein as Uranus is dim an its' atmosphere is largely made of methane, some folks thought it was best left as-is."
"We had some wanted to call it Butt Crack and others wanted to call it after their big-city cousins in Clarksville in a mean kinda way but we decided it best to leave immediate family members outta it."