Written by Bunsen Burner
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Topics: Surgery, hands

Sunday, 18 October 2009

image for Artificial Wank Hand Created In Italy
This lucky Italian guy can now toss one off with his new wank hand

Italian scientists believe that they have successfully created the first ever artificial wank hand. Previous attempts led to users complaining of a lack of feeling. Now Professor Luigi Crackoneoffi says such problems are a thing of the past. "We have been very pleased with recent trials and have seen tangible results. We hope to introduce the wank hand to the market within six weeks."

The benefits to amputees are obvious. Those who lose their right hand will no longer have to train their left hand to take on the onanistic struggle. Now a new right hand with genuine feeling will yank away merrily.

One British company, J Arthur and sons, is said to be considering manufacturing the hand in the UK, bringing much needed employment to Wellingborough. Kleenex are also considering a sponsorship package. Whatever happens, it looks like left handed wanking by one handed men is soon to be a thing of the past.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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