When former Vicar and his wife moved to North Dakota they thought they found a bargain when they spotted a disused ICBM missile silo for sale for just $1; they thought wow, "I'll by that for a Dollar".
Some 50,000 dollars or so later they got their multi-storey underground bunker into move in condition. Hiring a removal van they drove over 1,000 miles from their California home thinking that they were beginning a new stage of their life, "The Undiscovered Country" is how Jack put it.
Jill, Jack's wife, had always dreamed of a life in the Dakotas, she and her husband Jack didn't want to settle down into a retirement with nothing to do.
So Jack and Jill did a lot of research, online, at the library, even asking their friends for ideas.
Then came the idea of growing mushrooms - and they put 2 + 2 together and came up with the idea of buying an underground ICBM silo - it's underground and dark. Jack and Jill were shocked to see them on sale for just $1.
Putting in so many mushroom stacks into the silo meant Jack and Jill had to install a water source.
"That's when it went a bit pear shaped," said Jack adding, "We brought in a drill-crew and drilled a well through the bottom floor of the 10 storey silo.
"We had to fetch pails of water up the elevator," said Jill, "So we installed a water pump and cleared out one of the side rooms to install the water pump and found it was was full of papers and booklets, they looked too valuable to throw out so we auctioned them on EBay - we couldn't believe it, bidding went wild, we made ice-melting amounts of money."
"We thought we hit the jackpot," said Jack.
Then the FBI and SAC people arrived and shipped away all that we had left.
"But now we know what that stuff is worth," said Jack with Jill nodding.
We sold 5 booklets for half a million dollars, we had at least 150 more for sale - that checks out at 15 million dollars that the government owes us. Our lawyer tells us that we are entitled to the money under 4th Amendment against 'Searches and Seizures"; we have told him that he will get 10% of everything we recover from the government. He stands to make one and a half million dollars.
Footnote: USAF and Strategic Air Command were contacted for this spoof story, both refused to comment.