Written by Stan Bernard
Print this
Topics: Nuclear Weapons

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Physicist in Shock 11 year old builds Nuclear Weapon

Physicist around the world are in shock today as the news that 11 year old Matthew Wayne Bromley of Connord Canyon has designed and built the world first privately owned micro nuclear weapon.

State & Federal officials scrambled to evacuate a 20 mile radius of the Milton Iowa State house where participants from around the state had gathered for the National Science Foundation regional semi finals.

Bromley had taken a group of students out to the abandoned Milton Keynes rail yards and after handing out welding glasses buried a purported a 1/8 scale proof of concept device and started a 30 minute countdown. Officials notified by one of the junior high kids that "something big was going to happen" managed to get undercover as the device detonated.

Residents of Iowa and 3 states jammed switchboard reporting a bright flash like sheet lightning rippling through the skies.

Reports say seismic sensors 4000 miles away registered a seismic signature consistent with a nuclear event of a significant size.

Reports are coming in that the rail yard is now sealed of and news choppers dispatched before the area was sealed off have taken pictures showing a black circular area of black melted glass abut 400m across with a white glowing center.

State and Federal Officials have stated that no radiation danger exists but a 20 mile radius perimeter has been sealed off after reports that a larger full scale device was in the judging hall for the science competition.

Bromley has been taken into Federal custody and his family is now under virtual house arrest as FBI agents search the family home carrying bags of evidence out to waiting helicopters.

Reporters who accessed Bromley's Facebook page before Federal officials took the page offline found reams of technical data and a complete set of blueprints for the full scale device. Reporter Dane Eand took a copy of the designs to Cagley University for analysis and after a review by Cagley University Physicist Prof Erin Dyer we can say that they young man has most certainly mastered a chain reaction device.

Federal Officials have forbidden us to reproduce the drawings here but all ready sites all over the world were distributing copies of Bromley's designs.

Prof Dyer is quoted as saying the initiator according to these drawings at least is a novel series of room temperature super capacitors charging a coupled Leintz force type coils and a miniature pulsed iodine laser.

The drawings apparently included a new type of centrifuge of a type never seen before which Bromley used to enrich his nuclear material.

Homeland Security declined to be interviewed for this article and instead directed us to the FEMA for comment.

Make Stan Bernard's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 4?

3 1 4 9
63 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more