Written by Evan Essence
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Sunday, 1 August 2004

image for New data storage medium brings hope for Silicon Valley rebound
With new 'Rosetta' storage medium, data will endure for centuries

Silicon Valley, California--
New state-of-the-art silicon etching techniques, promise to solve some of the most difficult problems which have plagued engineers working with today's most advanced data storage systems.

Venture capitalists flocked to the roll-out of the new "Rosetta" silicon dioxide storage medium, and many believe this will be the much anticipated "next wave" of technology which will rejuvinate Silicon Valley, whose economy has been suffering since the collapse of the Internet Bubble, and the downturn of the semiconductor indusrty at the end of the last decade.

Each year, data loss...due to such causes as computer glitches, hard drive crashes, fires, and theft...costs businesses millions of dollars. Silicon Valley economists are excited, because the newly announced storage technology breakthrough promises to solve all of these age-old problems, at the same time.

The new methods involve an advanced laser etching technique, which leaves units of data permanenty burned into massive slabs of basalt... a form of rock with a high percentage of silicon dioxide. Data is stored on the surface of the rocks in a coded form called "hieroglyphics".

Earlier types of storage media included punched cards and magentic tapes, which were subject to fading, molding, moisture damage, and complete loss in the event of a fire. More modern forms of data storage, based on magnetic media, laser or semiconductor technology, also exhibit frailty from a variety of environmental factors.

The new basalt storage medium has created a great deal of excitement, because it seems to be immune to the weaknesses of the traditional data storage types.

Research suggests that these etchings in basalt will endure unchanged for centuries. Nobody will have to fear the sudden irreversable loss of data.

Fire and lightining strikes will leave this data storage medium unphased. Even a major fire, which might burn down a business, will leave these slabs of basalt untouched.

Extensive testing has taken place, under a wide variety of environmental conditions, and the results suggest that this form of data storage is immune to damage from static electricity and occasional high-voltage spikes.

An additional advantage of the new storage medium is being discussed. It should cut down on the data loss from theft. It would take a pretty big thief to walk off with one of these gigantic slabs of basalt, unnoticed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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