DENVER, CO - Ditty Lynn Bestial told the press in a conference today that she "felt ravaged".
The Denverite was implanted with the wrong embryo in a fertility treatment mix-up. In a bizarre twist, she has given birth to an elephant.
Ditty Lynn and Mark Bestial said in a statement that the elephant was delivered at the Denver Zoo. "They had the people there who were experienced in handling the birth of elephants", Mark stated.
Mrs Bestial, who had been told about the mix-up in time to make it to the zoo, said the family was "going through hell in spades".
The Bestials have decided to give the baby to the zoo.
The Bestials, who have two human children, offered their "heartfelt congratulations" to the Zoo keeper who helped deliver the elephant.
"Our family is deeply grateful for the applause and cheering of the zoo visitors who cheered me through the difficult pushing stage of the natural birth," the Bestial statement said.
"We also would like to thank the fire department who hosed off the newborn elephant after the delivery. It sure had a lot of crap on it. It was fun being squirted too. But next time, try to keep it above the waist."
Mrs Bestial, 51, later found out that the man who had implanted the wrong embryo in her also worked as a fertility aid at the zoo and was trying to get the elephants to mate. When they would not, he started fooling around with elephant sperm and eggs in a chemistry set he had at home.
The rest is medical history.
"I don't think I've ever screamed so much in my life. It felt like I was being hit by a truck from the inside," Bestial said. Mark, a truck driver, grimaced when she said that.
The Bestials have declined to name the elephant, nor do they intend to visit the zoo anytime soon.