Written by Aspartame Boy
Print this

Saturday, 26 September 2009

image for Embryo mix-up woman gives natural birth to elephant
The father of the elephant was located - born in Africa - but with a birth certificate indicating Hawaii

DENVER, CO - Ditty Lynn Bestial told the press in a conference today that she "felt ravaged".

The Denverite was implanted with the wrong embryo in a fertility treatment mix-up. In a bizarre twist, she has given birth to an elephant.

Ditty Lynn and Mark Bestial said in a statement that the elephant was delivered at the Denver Zoo. "They had the people there who were experienced in handling the birth of elephants", Mark stated.

Mrs Bestial, who had been told about the mix-up in time to make it to the zoo, said the family was "going through hell in spades".

The Bestials have decided to give the baby to the zoo.

The Bestials, who have two human children, offered their "heartfelt congratulations" to the Zoo keeper who helped deliver the elephant.

'Labor Hell'

"Our family is deeply grateful for the applause and cheering of the zoo visitors who cheered me through the difficult pushing stage of the natural birth," the Bestial statement said.

"We also would like to thank the fire department who hosed off the newborn elephant after the delivery. It sure had a lot of crap on it. It was fun being squirted too. But next time, try to keep it above the waist."

Mrs Bestial, 51, later found out that the man who had implanted the wrong embryo in her also worked as a fertility aid at the zoo and was trying to get the elephants to mate. When they would not, he started fooling around with elephant sperm and eggs in a chemistry set he had at home.

The rest is medical history.

"I don't think I've ever screamed so much in my life. It felt like I was being hit by a truck from the inside," Bestial said. Mark, a truck driver, grimaced when she said that.

The Bestials have declined to name the elephant, nor do they intend to visit the zoo anytime soon.

Make Aspartame Boy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 4?

7 12 13 4
31 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more