Bigfoot, it seems, does do it the woods. A team of researchers from UU reported this week that they have found what is controvertible proof that Bigfoot exists - a small bit of brownish goo that appears to have been smeared on a leaf.
Doug E., the self-appointed spokesperson for the two-man team of parabiologic researchers, told our investigative reporter that finding this leaf is just the kind of proof people have been hoping to find to find for years. "Maybe not a leaf that he wiped his butt with," Doug E. clarified, "But a solid, or even slightly runny, piece of proof. I'm telling you, man, this is the [expletive deleted]."
When asked how the evidence was found, Doug E. proceeded to rehash a previous research encounter that occurred earlier this year. He then explained, "Phred decided that since we didn't have anything better to do, maybe we should head down to Yellowstone, you know, pick up some chicks, feed some bears, touristy crap. And then I had this idea that we come back to the place where Bigfoot appeared before."
As the story unfolded, Doug E. needed to "take care of something in the bushes" and was suddenly surprised by a strange humming sound. He then noticed a dark, vaguely humanoid shape fading out of sight. On investigating the area, a leaf with what is thought to be Bigfoot excrement was found next to a tree.
A botanist working nearby commented that the goo looked a bit like a squashed up toadstool, to which Doug E. retorted that it was definitely too large to have come from a frog. Analytical results are expected eventually.