Houston, TX-- Astonished astronomers working at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced some shocking results today from the Kepler Mission. The space-probe has discovered that we are most definitely not alone. The Earth has 500,000 close neighbours, and there are approximately 100 trillion Earth-like planets in our galaxy
The Kepler probe was launched six-months ago to study 50,000 stars in the heart of the Milky Way Galaxy. The most optimistic astronomer was hoping about 50-100 Earth-like planets would appear. Instead, the Kepler probe "hit the lottery", as one ecstatic astronomer put it.
"The discovery is revolutionary in every way!" boasted head astronomer Dr. Karl Saygun. "We aren't alone. We aren't unique. We are as common as grains of sand at the beach. It will take a few generations for this to sink in." he said very seriously.
Scientists are now working with the SETI project to scan these planets for radio signals. Preliminary results are very encouraging. Almost 100% of the planets appear occupied, probably with humanoid life forms very much like ourselves.
"There are probably billions and billions of aliens scanning our Earth right now with their own probes" said Dr. Saygun. "Be sure to smile at the sky at least once today. Someone is definitely watching." he said ominously.