Experts and researchers at the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta have determined that the vegetable asparagus may be the cause of most traffic fatalities in the United States. This information has been relayed to Congress and legislation banning the product is pending.
Dr. Jeff Roosterbeat of the CDC issued the following statement: "It has come to our attention that 87% of all people killed in traffic fatalities have eaten asparagus in some form (fresh, frozen, canned, etc.) in the previous twelve months. We have also discovered that a similar 89% of the driver of any other involved vehicle has injested the product orally."
Drivers are advised to beware of the dangers of eating asparagus and operating a motor vehicle. A designated driver is recommended if people plan on eating this vegetable.
Manufacturers of breathalizers are modifying the equipment to check for asparagus odors and should have product shipped to police departments by the end of the month.