Written by Jordan Baugher
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Friday, 4 September 2009

image for New iPhone to Feature Bottle Opener
The new iPhone appears somewhat bulkier than previous models.

Silicon Valley, CA - In front of a crowd of thousands, Steve Jobs presented the latest iteration of the best-selling iPhone, showing off its newest features including a built-in bottle opener. He demonstrated the new model by opening a bottle of Corona Extra.

Apple fanboys gasped and fawned over the improvements, many of them blogging about their excitement from their seats before Jobs could even finish his presentation.

"We haven't run out of ideas," Jobs said, "we're definitely still relevant. I'm holding proof of that right here in my hand. Please don't buy a Palm Pre or a BlackBerry. I'm wearing a turtleneck, can't you see that? I'm like a beatnik, I'm counterculture. I'm not corporate at all. Microsoft, they're the real enemy. You ever see Bill Gates wearing a turtleneck? No. You know who else you'll never see wearing a turtleneck? Hitler. Just sayin'."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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