Written by Rev. D. Sausage
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Friday, 28 August 2009

image for Scientists Harness Power from Bad Journalism

The world's energy problems might have been solved by a group of scientists in Oxford who have found a way to store power released by bad journalism.

The twin calamities of tautologies (an unnecessary repetition of meaning using different words) and an oxymoron (the combination of two normally contradictory terms), when found in the same sentence, can create the same kind of reaction as found when anti-matter and matter collide.

The new technique does away with the need for a Star Trek-esque matter/anti-matter converter. Instead, scientists are mining YouTube comments, blogspot and the National Enquirer for bad writing that can be fed into the Bad Journalism Converter and made into energy to power your car or toaster.

Professor Angel Interceptor was kind enough to show The Spoof how it works. Simply by saying things like "The prior experience of the clever fool" into a microphone, I was able to make a lightbulb light up.

It is thought that with the rise of blogs and other amateur journalism, enough energy can be harnessed to power the earth forever.

Another side effect of the new energy source is that Media Studies majors will finally be able to find employment.

The next step is to attempt to harness the unstable energy bi-products caused by double negatives. Which would mean that, one day, "I'm not doing nothing" would actually do something very important indeed. Now, is that an oxymoron or what?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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