Niaciorhombohydrehide is effective at reducing wrinkles!
Say goodbye to laughter lines with strepttidiaorrhoic alimintary gum extract!
You may not be able to find these compounds in chemical textbooks, but the beauty industry assures you - they work!
Science has proven that the above exclusive, expensive, beauty therapy products are equally as effective as a bath in goat shit and yaks urine.
The report, issued by the Convention Of Nurturing Massaging Ego Naturopaths (CONMEN) shows a direct relationship between their financial health and female gullibility.
There is apparently also some correlation between the ability of the subject to pay for cosmetic surgery as well as the products in achieving the desired rejuvenation.
Doctor Tonio Vulgaris, a consultant rejuvenation adviser in the $18,000 per day Mayonnaise Clinic in Gballs, Switzerland comments "This report validates the experience of the wonderful ladies who come to me to maintain their youth. I operate to rejuvenate their tired, sagging bodies and this can consume many weeks. Once they are healed, I rub a little of my magical creams on the surface of their credit cards and they slip so youthfully into my online payment terminal".
Zsa Zsa Gabor was not available for comment although a spokesman revealed that her face had cracked open and her boobs had exploded.