Written by Jim West (desperado)
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Thursday, 4 April 2002

image for Javascript: a beginner's Guide
It can

Javascript? Some kind of mix between a Shakespeare masterpiece and a hot drink?

Oh, please. It is, of course, Netscape's cross-platform, Internet scripting language, only very vaguely related to Java, intimately tied to the World-Wide Web, and currently runs in only three environments - as a server-side scripting language, as an embedded language in server-parsed HTML, and as an embedded language run in browsers.

Right... and for those of us with a penis larger than three centimetres?

Look, are you going to pay attention or not?

Why should I, it's a free country.

Yeah, but...

Let's talk about ice-cream. What's your favourite flavour?

Don't be so imbecillic.

What's imbecillic about that? Mine's strawberry.

You're going to get such a beating.

No I'm not, you sad, disturbed little person.

...?

Because, technically, I don't exist, and you're really just having a conversation with yourself and there isn't two people talking.

Yeah, give away the illusion, why don't you.

All you want to do is tell people about Javascript and look as big as the Guardian's G2 section and other broadsheet supplements without giving away your true nerdiness status.

Right, the only reason I did this Q&A thing was to make it easier to understand.

How do you intend to do that? I know as much about Javascript as any government minister knows about his or her department.

I don't have to listen to this.

Oh yes you do! [evil laugh]

My own creation turns against me!!

Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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