Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 31 July 2009

image for Constipated Pattaya Man Relieves Bowels
The area has now been sealed off

There was consternation in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya this morning, when a man who had suffered with constipation for more than six days, eventually managed to relieve his aching bowels, and had an enormous great shat.

The man, who wasn't me, told his wife that, after several excrutiating days of stomach-churning agony, he finally ditched what had been bothering him in no uncertain terms, and blocked his toilet in the process.

A local 'plumber' was called, but after three hours of attempting to clear the blockage, that man gave up, and another was called. The second man turned up with some 'industrial-looking' machinery, and dealt with the matter in less than ten minutes.

The problem may have been brought on by a lack of roughage in the man's diet, with the man having recently relocated to Thailand from the UK. He told us:

"I've had no spuds, carrots, or mushy peas for a month. No Weetabix either. Me guts was killin' me. In the end it took incredible determination and a pint of tomato juice to open up the sluices, so to speak."

Police are investigating.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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