New York, NY-- Leading scientists from the acclaimed Gordo Instiute issued an alarming report today regarding overweight people. The scientists noted the morbidly obese have started growing flippers, fins and tails. The scientists believe they could be evolving into some 'whale-like' creature.
The species-changing disorder has several distinct phases. The fat person first becomes evenly fat all over the body and begins to look like a dolphin. Fins begin to appear on the back, and the hands and feet turn into flippers. Finally, the fatty has an insatiable urge to jump into the ocean and swim away.
Scientists say is evolution is making the first new species in 100,000 years. The new creature is called Homo butterballus, or simply, butterballs. Of course they blamed the usual suspect--global warming.
In related news, fisherman report catching strange creatures in their nets all summer. The oily creatures 'taste like chicken' and could begin to show up on supermarket shelves very soon.