Written by Woodpile
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Topics: Cannabis, Tennessee

Saturday, 3 September 2005

image for The Origins of Cannabis Dates Back to Early Mankind
"...if it’s good enough for Homo erectus, it’s good enough for me!”

The findings of a 30-year study by the rural Tennessee think tank, Cobb Bros. & Co., show the origins of Cannabis consumption by the human race dates back to the earliest beginnings of our species.

The study published this week in ¼ Ounce magazine named, "The Big Bong Theory", is hailed by Marijuana legalization organizations as a huge leap forward in the fight to reverse the negative image Cannabis has in the eyes of Americans.

"This study says to America, if it's good enough for Homo erectus, it's good enough for me!" said Angela Cosby, president of the South Dakota chapter of the "National 4/20 Society", a Marijuana legalization activist organization.

Spokesman for the think tank, David Hempstead, fielded questions from the press after giving a synopsis of the 3 page report written on the inside of a Miller beer 12 pack box, in pencil. "Archeologists in the Persian Gulf region have unearthed crude paraphernalia dating back millions of years used for smoking Marijuana, and samples taken from these devices have tested positive for THC. Of course it is the conclusion of this study that early man had devised other methods of Marijuana use before the discovery of fire, which obviously led to the more popular method of "smoking" that we see today." Mr. Hempstead, pausing from time to time to take long gulps from an Old Milwaukee Beer can, went on to say, "The bible story of the burning bush derived its beginnings from early Egyptian writings that detail one of the very first campaigns in the war on drugs.

The press conference abruptly ended when Mr. Hempstead noticed a Frito Lay truck through an open window, and immediately excused himself from the room.
President Bush, when asked to respond to the study, had this to say, "Cans of what? The caveman didn't have the technolology to make cans, did they?!".

The study goes on to conclude that; increased appetite, a result of the consumption of Cannabis, was probably the reason for the extinction of the dinosaurs, as this was the main source of food for early man.

Whatever the result of this study, in this reporter's opinion, it is sure to be the topic of mellow debate in circles and backrooms throughout the world, and will certainly provoke many more groups of various economic and educational backgrounds, to further investigate the findings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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