Scientists have confirmed that the type of Swine Flu experienced by men is much more painful and distressing than that contracted by women.
Men, on detecting the first symptoms, are advised to go home, lie on the couch and watch TV.
Fluid intake should be maximised in the form of beer and cocktails, as should the consumption of small snacks at very frequent intervals.
Your female partner will be able to keep you supplied with the right kind of appetising meals and will also listen sympathetically to your moans and groans as the illness takes its course.
In the event that she succumbs to Swine Flu herself - don't worry!
She will be able to keep going with only limited reduction in her performance.
You might like to help her morale by giving her what she craves - privacy and solitude.
After all, the even on the golf course, river bank or at the football match you're only a cell-phone call away!