Written by Chamone
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Topics: Birds, Manchester

Wednesday, 8 July 2009

image for Bird that's Seldom Seen No Longer the Most Admired
The rare Mankunian Stoned Raver in all its feathered glory

Ornithologists have decreed null and void archaic the law that states that seldom seen birds are to be admired above those that are quite commonly spotted.

Woody Woodpecker, the head ornithologist at St. Anus' College, Manchester, said that the antiquated rating system used in the bird-spotting world has led to lacklustre standards and a general lack of interest in the 'sport'.

"None of our members are bothered going out looking for birds because they've convinced themselves that the best ones are so seldom seen that its bloody pointless even trying to spot them", he said.

For instance, the rarest of all birds - the Mankunian Stoned Raver - hasn't been spotted since the demolition of its nesting site in the garden of Happy Monday/Black Grape front man Shaun Ryder's house after the infamous great barbeque fire of '94.

Bird watchers have instead now been told to direct their attention towards common birds such as the crow and the robin.

"We've even got a whole bunch of t-shirts printed up to promote this back-to-basics style ornithology with 'Look at my Tits' and 'Do you Swallow' printed on them. My favourite reads: 'Wanna Pluck my Pheasant?'", added Woody.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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