Washington DC-- President Obama put an end to the fifty-two year old American space program today. The president said it was "a complete waist of money and resources that could be better spent here on Earth." All work at JPL, the Houston Space Center and Cape Canaveral is to stop immediately
The president also noted only geeks and nerds are interested in space. President Obama bragged that he doesn't know the names of any stars or planets because he's "a really cool guy and only losers are interested in stuff like that." He spoke some more about the topic exclusively with me.
"The people that voted for me don't care about that space program junk. They only care about their welfare checks, their weed, and whether they are gonna get any booty today. Let's get real. If you want to see what's in Outer Space, then rent a few 'Star Trek' DVDs. I ain't gonna spend some poor guy's tax money to shoot dumb rockets at the moon, or Pluton or Venus William." he scoffed.
"You want to look at something wonderful, you look at me. You want to hope for something better for the world, you look at me. You want to look at something beautiful, you look at my wife Michelle." he insisted.
"And don't tell me the space program is only .2% of the national budget. White people are always trying to confuse black people with things like numbers. And only geeks and nerds think about numbers too." he shouted, and ended the interview.