Written by Skews Me
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Saturday, 4 July 2009

(Seattle) Advanced placement University of Washington freshman Bart Sampson's first contribution to science was his easy-to-build generator that saps energy from radio and other airwaves now powering his neighborhood's block.

After initial attempts by the government to confiscate his invention, Bart's quick thinking allowed the cellular telephone firm Nokia to adopt his work and create a device that self-recharges.

Today Bart was proud to announce his new artificial cells whose DNA can create many products including hand held electronic products and potentially larger items such as aircraft.

"It started with the Web," said Bart in an exclusive interview with The Spoof.

"I wrote this simple JavaScript object that executes programmable strings of tasks in any and every world.

"I was doing theoretical chemical chain reactions before college let me try nano-manufacturing for real."

Photographs of Bart's initial successful attempt to create simple essential compounds show his laboratory more akin to a spider's web with cables and tubes and gas canisters running around in all directions.

"It's amazing what can be made from pollution and garbage," noted Bart.

"We needed mercury so we collected fish scraps from seafood restaurant.

"With essential helium from the ground quickly running out, we'd search out grand openings and other special events that would otherwise waste that precious gas on dumb balloons.

"Someone even whipped up some exhaust pipe collectors since it's full of nano-fuels."

Bart's invention of "Nanosmart in[k]" has pioneered the next step in custom reliability among manufacturers say industry insiders. His "slab" to act as an inline embedded video presentation on a printed page resulted in a 2mm thick inset that could be custom molded to shape around many surfaces.

Rumors of Nobel Peace Prize have even been circulating due to young Bart Sampson's philanthropic efforts to help educate the needy. Donations of Bart's generators to so-called Tent Cities popping up near what once were dream home developments have helped launch the young inventor to a level of karma he admits he's not prepared for.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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