Written by Wire Piddle
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Thursday, 2 July 2009

image for Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer Sheds New Light On Michael Jackson's Psyche
North Carolina Sewer Worker

Los Angeles, CA - A video on Youtube entitled 'Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer' has gone viral, with over 3 million hits in 24 hours. Scientists believe that the video may actually aid in the understanding of 'The King of Pop', Michael Jackson's psyche.

Dr. Rupert Blenheim, a biological chemist from New Jersey, says the living phenomenon displayed in the video is actually tubifex worms, aka sludge worms, sewage worms, or lime snakes.

"Yes, I know. When you first start to watch the video you feel like barking your breakfast, I mean it really is revolting looking. Disgusting. It's things like this that make me wonder why I got into this field in the first place.

"Sort of like what I imagine the bowels of Perez Hilton to look like. But once you get past that initial hurling phase, you realize that it's actually quite an interesting phenomenon; much like looking at a colonoscopy. I dare say...fascinating.

"But the real fascinating part, and this is where you can draw some analogies to pop superstar sensations, in particular, Michael Jackson. You see, after mating, these creatures resorb their sexual organs. They suck them right back in. Out of sight, out of mind. By gosh! Ha..ha..ha..ha..ha!

"And also, these worms tend to thrive in heavily polluted areas, much like Michael Jackson survived in the heavily polluted arena that is 'American Popular Culture'. And what's more, and this is the kicker - they do it, like Michael Jackson, on very little oxygen.

"They do this by creating a protective cyst around themselves and they lower their metabolic rate. So you see, if the medical professionals taking care of Michael Jackson had realized that he was merely behaving with the same pattern as a sewer worm, their response to his lowered metabolic rate might have been quite different and he very may well have been with us today, no doubt enjoying a stimulating viewing of the 'Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer'. That's my theory anyway."

....and so it is...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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