Written by Ron Smith
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Thursday, 9 July 2009

image for Science - Man Proved Right?
Wrong!

A recent scientific study carried out whilst driving to work, statistically proved that while driving, candidate A made the correct decision 100% of the time, whilst candidate B was more likely to be incorrect 100% of the time regardless of the opinion of any given passenger.

The controlled experiment was part of a series of research analyses carried out by The Smithian Institute in order to successfully demonstrate the superiority of candidate A over candidate B.

Other tests conducted under harsh words, proved that the reason candidate A was late for work most mornings was due to candidate B's eyelash regime and had nothing to do with candidate A's inability to comprehend time as a linear parameter. The research also included a stringent analysis of rubbish theory that suggests a bin will eventually become empty despite repetition of the phrase, "Can you empty the bin?"

When questioned, candidate B claimed that candidate A was 'crap in more ways than she could imagine', that candidate A's only redeeming quality was 'diabetes' and that she had been taking part in a similar series of 'experiments' to ascertain the critical conditions required to reach 'orgasm' with a variety of her own specifically selected subjects in 'scientific' locations 'like the shed'.

Although the research is in it's preliminary stages, the results are expected to form a more thorough understanding and basis for a divorce. It is also hoped that the outcome will lay down the groundwork for a sustained examination of the effects of alcohol and high doses of illegal and prescription drugs upon single middle-aged men with erectile dysfunction, genital herpes and an 'adolescent addiction' to the 'theory of anal sex', without any 'practical data' or 'subjective experience'.

If you are an accountant, this article is available and can be downloaded in pie chart form.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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