The soft drink manufacturer Spritzer that makes such drinks as Cake Cola and Fanba, have come up with a remarkable scheme that looks set to not only halt the increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, but actively reduce it.
"What we are proposing," said Psssst Schwssst, spokesbubble for Spritzer International, "is nothing less than carbon dioxide sequestering on a global scale."
The sparkling drink company aims to do what previous sequestering schemes have failed to do, and that is work. Some schemes propose replacing the oil in exhausted wells with CO2 scrubbed from the atmosphere, whilst others suggest compressing it and storing it at the bottom of the ocean. What neither of these schemes have, is a reliable, proven technology for doing this safely.
"Our plan is to increase production of our sparkling drinks," said Schwssst. "It is well known that what provides our enjoyable products their fizz is dissolved carbon-dioxide. This means that the greatest sink of carbon dioxide is not the rain forests, but school children's school-bags. There are billions of tonnes of the greenhouse gas currently being carried around by children across the world."
By increasing production of soft drinks, and by taking the CO2 from the atmosphere, instead of from the burning of dead animals, Spritzer calculates that by 2050 there will be no CO2 in the atmosphere at all, with the added advantage that the stockpile of soft drinks can be turned into an artificial island the size of Spain.