Written by IainB
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

image for An end to Climate Change
One can can make a difference

The soft drink manufacturer Spritzer that makes such drinks as Cake Cola and Fanba, have come up with a remarkable scheme that looks set to not only halt the increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, but actively reduce it.

"What we are proposing," said Psssst Schwssst, spokesbubble for Spritzer International, "is nothing less than carbon dioxide sequestering on a global scale."

The sparkling drink company aims to do what previous sequestering schemes have failed to do, and that is work. Some schemes propose replacing the oil in exhausted wells with CO2 scrubbed from the atmosphere, whilst others suggest compressing it and storing it at the bottom of the ocean. What neither of these schemes have, is a reliable, proven technology for doing this safely.

"Our plan is to increase production of our sparkling drinks," said Schwssst. "It is well known that what provides our enjoyable products their fizz is dissolved carbon-dioxide. This means that the greatest sink of carbon dioxide is not the rain forests, but school children's school-bags. There are billions of tonnes of the greenhouse gas currently being carried around by children across the world."

By increasing production of soft drinks, and by taking the CO2 from the atmosphere, instead of from the burning of dead animals, Spritzer calculates that by 2050 there will be no CO2 in the atmosphere at all, with the added advantage that the stockpile of soft drinks can be turned into an artificial island the size of Spain.

Make IainB's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

3 14 16 20

Go to top