Written by Ryan Durham
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Wednesday, 20 March 2002

image for Bill Gates Kills Linux
Bill Gates - Ninja.

Bill Gates, the money grabbing monopolist, yesterday achieved his aim of killing Linux when Linus Torvalds, the eminent creator of what is acclaimed to be "the best OS in the world today" was savagely murdered by a Microsoft designed virus.

The new virus was designed by Microsoft's chief "Rival Killer" Marcus DeWald the III. Mr DeWald knew that the esteemed Mr Torvalds was going on holiday to Yorkshire, UK where there is a 100' market penetration of Windows.

Mr Torvalds had no option but to use the new Windows XP OS. When Opening his mail, his computor was attacked by a virus which proceeded to download his entire Hard Drive to a Microsoft FTP where it was later received by Mr Bill Gates.

The Virus then started to attack Mr Torvalds himself who was savagely beating his computer (as we all do).

It swiftly proceeded to his central nervous system where it caused terminal damage before replicating and infecting the Medical support who was called by a neighbour. Fortunately, the Paramedics were saved.

Mr Gates Lawyer stated: "This is a sad day for the computing world, Mr Torvalds was a great man who brought great advancements to the world of Operating Systems and we are extremely sad to see him go. We will, of course, profit greatly through his death through the use of any and all stolen material".

A police had this to add : "We are not treating this as a suspicious death, we have no cause to offend Mr Gates nor will we".

A sad day for the world indeed.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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