Written by queen mudder
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Michael Jackson

Saturday, 27 June 2009

image for Preliminary toxicology report details Jackson chemical intake
Jackson was addicted to taking his medication anally, maybe that's what pushed him over the top

Los Angeles - (Toxic Ass Mess): Singer Michael Jackson was taking a lethal daily cocktail of dozens of meds both orally, intravenously and via the French nation's preferred route.

LAPD pathology sources have found a substantial build-up of the painkillers Dilaudid and Vicodin, the (mostly anal) muscle relaxant Soma, the popular sedative Xanax, standard-issue anti-depressent Zoloft, the anti-anxiety cure-all Paxil and the best-selling anti-heartburn medication Prilosec.

Initial liver tests also found high doses of the intravenous painkiller Demerol and substantial traces of Zopiclone, the Propranolol betablocker, several branded benzodiazepines and Z drugs as well as significant traces of generic acebutolol, bisoprolol, esmolol, propranolol, atenolol, labetalol, carvedilol, metoprolol, and nebivolol.

Also present in Jackson's bloodstream were several antipsychotics such as Haloperidol, Pimozide, Clozapine and recreational Droperidol.

"Jackson was clearly addicted to taking his medication anally," LAPD pathologist Dr V Smart commented.

"If only he'd ingested them orally, they wouldn't have taken so long to reach the vital brain areas so starved of common sense."

The toxicology tests continue.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 2?

7 6 13 20
45 readers are online right now!

Go to top