Written by JP Johnston
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Topics: Scientists

Monday, 22 June 2009

image for Scientists Discover Infinite Funding
Some science, recently

Mexico City, Mexico - A team of physicists from Michigan Technological University (MTU) in Houghton and the National University of Mexico in Mexico City, Mexico have discovered that big drops of rain fall more slowly on average than small drops. These drops actually exceed their predicted top speed by a factor of ten or more, falling at three or four metres per second.

This has prompted an investigation into the body that awards funding for research products at MTU. Recent projects given the go-ahead for funding include an investigation into how bears learn to open complex milk containers, whether tigers can sing simple jazz standard melodies, whether Catholics can predict lottery numbers better than Protestants, and whether children think more clouds resemble animals than fucking kitchen utensils.

The scientists assembled a new project to test the hypothesis, entitled, "An Investigation Into The Intoxicating Effects of Alcohol at Tropical Beach Bars, and Whether Those Little Umbrellas Get You More Drunk." They received $35 000 to carry out the research. They were due to present their findings at a conference in May.

A spokesman for MTU said, "Hey, are you really the guy inside Chewbacca? Cool."

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