Now the subject of much controversy, an unnamed scientific organization in Bern, Switzerland now claims that the common squirrel, in fact, evolved from bananas.
The president of the organization, Murman Dinkles, says he wasn't surprised. "I mean, I used to look at bananas and squirrels and just marvel. How could they not be related? They're similar in so many different ways," he stated early last Tuesday.
The study took approximately 6 weeks, and by the end, Dinkles says that he was convinced. "Our theory is that the banana evolved a heart and a brain, and things just grew from there," he commented.
When met with sarcastic comments, Dinkles says that he just laughs. "You just wait. In 10 years, this will be a well-establish fact in all text books. I mean, why do you think squirrels have tails? Obviously, the brown thing on the end of the banana sprouted fur and grew bushier and bushier until voila! It's a squirrel's tail!" he exclaimed.
Admittedly, the concept is hard to grasp. "My 3-year-old niece laughed at me so hard when I told her that the lemonade she was drinking spurted from her nose," Dinkles confessed. "Yes, there are a few kinks to work out. And anyways, I already know of a few people that accepted it. A lot of people automatically believe what scientists say, without really looking into it themselves. I once told a woman that I implanted my foot with an electromagnetic transmitter that informed me when I craved pineapples. She asked for one, too."
But the future is looking bright for Dinkles. "This study really opened new doors for me and my organization. I already have people who are willing to sponsor my new study that I will start in January," he mentioned. What is it? "My hypothesis is that the taste buds of Norwegians are the opposite of Indonesians," says Dinkles.