Written by Stu B
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Topics: Electronics

Wednesday, 14 December 2005

image for Korean Manufacturer Debuts Lightsabre
Whooooshh Huuuuuummmmmmmmmmm

Samsung, the leading electronics manufacturer has announced today that it has successfully developed a fully working Lightsabre.

Hinto Akasa Sagaumuki, head of research and development at the Korean electoronics and home entertainment company made the announcemnt at a fully attended press conference yesterday in Seoul. He added that although the device had been in development since 1988, it was only now that it was decided that it was ready for production.

This was because of major advances in the developmet of on board sound effect modules.

"Our major problem was that our marketing people did not like the fact that the unit was essentially silent. so we have worked closely with our colleagues in the audio department, they spent a number of years sampling sound effects from the Star wars movies, so that people will really get the full experience"

A similar problem was experienced in the earlly seventies when Microwave ovens were launched that made farting noises. Sales did not take off until they were adapted to make the reassuring humming noise we are now used to.

The device was demonstrated and drew gasps of wonder from an excited crowd as Hinto ignited the green "blade" with a distinctive whoosh. Then as he swished the device around, reporters were pleased to hear the familiar deep reverberating hum everyone was hoping for.

The lightsabre, made famous by the Star Wars films was up until now a fictional item but Sagaumuki was proud to announce that the first production models should be in stores in time for Christmas.

In a nice touch Sagaumuki produced a large loaf of bread and sliced it with samurai like accuracy, instantly providing toast for the assembled crowd. He added a word of caution when he highlighted that the sabres should not be sold as toys.

"these are serious pieces of technology that in the wrong hands could cause severe damage" said Sagaumuki and highlighted that 3 of his researchers had got carried away at a celebration party three weeks ago and two of them were hospitalised after re enacting the Darth Maul / Kenobi/ Gon Gin sequence from Phantom Menace.

" It also has serious commercial potential, we have already demonstrated one possible use as a toasted snack maker, we also see applications in the gardening area such as Hedge trimmers and Bonfire setting"

The device runs on 53 AAA batteries crammed into the handle and creates a "blade" of pure plasma type energy for up to but not exceeding 13 seconds. Alternatively it can have an ac mains adapter fitted at additional cost , but the national grid may have difficulty supplying megawatt requests across normal home wiring. Suggestion are to operate within three miles of a nuclear power station.

The korean manaufacture denied reports that they were designing a Death Star.

George Lucas creator and director of the Star wars films was not available for comment although his spokesmen Simon Luke Han Leia Chewy Palaptine the third at Skywalker Ranch said "I really think this report was funnier when it was 320 words".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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