Written by Wire Piddle
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Saturday, 6 June 2009

image for Search For Air France 447 Debris Hampered By Run-Of-The-Mill Pollution

Recife, Brazil - Combined Brazilian and French search forces have been hampered in their efforts to find evidence of a downed Air France flight and authorities cite two reasons.

Firstly, extensive debris fields on the Atlantic have made it impossible to find exactly where the downed aircraft is.

Secondly, global warming has caused havoc with the weather patterns.

"I've been doing this for almost 50 years and I've never seen so much trash in all my life," Captain Beaulieu-sur-Mer stated. "You really don't need a ship to get out in the middle of the Atlantic anymore. You can practically walk out, what with all the floating refuse - baked bean tins, used furniture, empty shipping containers - seventy feet long. You name it. It's all floating out there."

"Then there's the oil slicks left by massive ships, usually illegally dumping their bilge as well, the ships usually registered in impoverished third world nations, for the carbon credits of course, but owned by massive multinational conglomerates. It's a crime."

"Then..." said Brazilian Captain Hermosa De Quayare, "...you've got these incredibly nasty seas as a result of storms caused by global warming. You really are up against the madness that is the modern world. And the irony is that a lot of this global warming is caused by these big massive commercial jets."

"Well, I agree with you up to a point," Captain Sur-Mer responded. "However, a lot of this global warming has to do with farting cows. Too many of them."

"Well yes, commercial jets and farting cows," De Quayare echoed.

And so, after that bit of ecological introspection, the Captains went back to their duties, the thankless task of searching the seas for what might be left of a doomed passenger jet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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