As US President Barack Obama flew across the Atlantic yet again, he suddenly had a brainwave, and invented the modern telephone.
'I thought 'What if I could have a machine that would allow me stay in Washington DC, yet still speak with world leaders, such as those in Egypt and Germany?' Then it came to me - why not put cables across the floors of the oceans, and put mouthpieces and receivers at the end of the cables?'
'And it worked! So now I save million of dollars being spent on travel and security expenses, and sit in my office with my feet on the desk negotiating with the Israelis and Palestinians, the British and the Germans, even the Russians, I don't even need to leave the building now, let alone go flying all around the world.'
Many have wondered why the American President spends so much time away from his own country, the one he's supposed to rule, but he admitted 'Hell, I just go where Dick tells me to, nothin' really much to do in Washington, as I'm just a token with no real power.'
'Now I've invented the 'phone, at last I'll be able to discuss things with other world leaders like I'm, well, a world leader myself, rather than an air steward that spends all of his time carrying Dick's bags off the planes for him.'
The hot air of President Obama's speeches, used to power all the jets he kept hiring, will now be used to heat the Arctic Circle, when it was discovered that there's no such thing as global warming. And even if there is, the Arctic ice is already floating on water, and no matter how much of it melts it's impossible for that to make the levels of any seas rise, even by an inch.
Pingu the Penguin is on holiday today, at the North Pole.