Written by Zako Strle
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Wednesday, 27 May 2009

image for New Apple "High Phone" Doubles as a Smokeless Bong
Bush Trys Out His New High Phone

Seattle, WA - Apple announced today that it has perfected the "High Phone" - the first cellular phone that also functions as a smokeless bong (a water pipe, generally used to smoke cannabis, but also makes a great vase).

Apple has nicknamed the target market for the phone as "phoners" - a portmanteau word made from the combination of the words "phone" and "stoners".

The High Phone, also known as "The 420 Model", features a small mouth piece that manifests itself from the microphone holes with the push of the button with a bong icon, then the phoner can use the mouth piece to both inhale and exhale their smokage of choice.

"What I really like about it", remarked a user of test models, "is when you blow the second hand smoke back in the phone, it captures the THC for later use, releases clean air from the speaker holes and charges the battery all at the same time. I really like that because I'm always forgetting to charge my battery."

The top of the antennae can be removed for the storage of stash. Then the antennae can be used as a poker if the phone gets clogged. Resin is periodically dispensed in a little pill that can be discarded, chewed like gum, re-smoked, or brewed with coffee grounds.

Amazingly, the phone requires no water, because it absorbs water from from humidity in the air. Apple has emphasized this fact in the phone packaging which includes the slogan "No more spilled bong water!"

The phone comes with the following choice of ring tones: "Smoke on the Water", "Smoked Two Joints" and the Bob Marley classic, "Kaya".

Tommy Chong, of "Cheech and Chong" fame, has agreed to pitch the product in an advertising campaign featuring the catch phrase: "Dave's not here - he's out toking on his High Phone".

Phones purchased in California feature starter reefer, but the free samples can only be used for medicinal purposes.

Mice used to test the phone reported lower incidences of brain damage than the control group, but also reported forgetting to charge their cell phones and getting the munchies about twenty minutes after use.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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